Cupcakes, Yum
by Cut Myself Shaving
Summary: A couple of little one-chapter stories about a handsome charming hairy police detective named Joseph A. Morelli. He's enjoying his life. He's having a lot of fun. He has no regrets. He has moved on.
1. Cupcakes, Yum

**Cupcakes, Yum**

So he tries to move on.

He's not worried, not a bit. He's not suffering from some heart-wrenching pain generally called loneliness. He's just a little bored, that is all. He can always get laid whenever he wants to. He's a handsome, attractive man. There are plenty of women who can't say no to his lean muscles, dense chest hair, and Italian bad boy grin. All it takes is a charming seductive smile and a couple ice-cold beer. And sometimes when he's lucky enough, they will scream like banshees and leave scratch marks on his back to make all his neighbors and his brothers in blue envy. Well, he's a healthy normal man. He has needs. And he has no wife and kids to slow him down and drag at his feet. He is his own man. He is free. He doesn't have to learn to change the diapers. He doesn't have walk on tiptoes and hold his breath when his wife is having PMS. All fun and no responsibility. Life can't get any better than this. None of the women stays in his bed long enough to have a fight with him. None of the women runs after crazies and psychos for a living. None of the women blows up things on a regular basis. They are all cute, pretty, sexy, and fun to be with. And they never complain. They are too happy to satisfy his need. He's a gadget man. He has tons of tools and toys, and he does know a lot of useful tricks. He especially likes it when they run their hands down his furry chest and look up at him with misty dreamy eyes on their knees. Their screams and moans make him feel he's the king of the universe.

He tries to move on. So far he's been successful.

He hasn't lost any sleep. He feels young and energetic when he wakes up in the morning. He has no regret and no remorse when he gets home late in the night. He is a happy bachelor. He is enjoying his life. He smiles at the woman behind the counter of the cupcake store. She's a bit old and not that pretty, but still he enjoys smiling at her. He believes he lightens up her day and eases her mood. He always remembers to use condoms. He never lets things get out of hand. He's never sure if he really wants to be a father. He had a father once and it was truly awful. He's not sure if he really has it in him to love and raise a child. He wasn't properly taught. And every time he hears his nephews and nieces crying and screaming during birthday parties or family dinners, he doubts if life really has a meaning. He winces whenever his elder brother and brother-in-law talk about everyday life, unreasonable wives, and trouble-making kids. He cringes whenever his mother and Grandma Bella looks at him with sad, longing eyes. He hates feeling like a disappointment. He hates feeling like a loser. No, he's no loser. He has a successful career. He has a good reputation. He worked hard to get where he is. He has a dog. He has a house. He has a life. He just bought a new car. He can have whatever woman he wants. They blush and giggle. They never say no. He's not a picky eater. Like most Italian men, he knows how to cook. He just doesn't want to bother or waste his time. Pizza delivery and Chinese take-outs are quick and easy and more than fine. No, he doesn't ask much of life. He doesn't really need a wife and a bunch of kids. He sometimes laughs at the illusion of a big sweet happy family. He'a alone but he's not lonely. He can totally tell the differences. He's not stupid.

So he moves on and tries his best to enjoy his bachelor life. So he has no regrets and no remorse. So he never ever loses sleep over Stephanie.

She's just another woman. She doesn't cook. She doesn't clean. She's nothing special. She hates doing laundry. He's better off without her. People stop calling him about her. People stop making jokes of him. No, he has never ever needed the help of Maalox. Most of the time he just felt numb and annoyed. He knew she wouldn't die that easily. He knew it usually was her fault. He knew she was always careless. He knew she would not want to be the mother of his future children. They were just fooling around. They were just satisfying their own needs. They were but fuck buddies. They were but friends with benefits. Like Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in that silly movie. They were in for the fun. They were not for real. They never were. And now she's gone from his life. Yep, she finally made her famous choice. He didn't win. He didn't lose. He was just a page of her life. That's all. Simple and true. And tonight, he's going to have some serious fun. He will pick his target. He will buy her a beer. He will ask her,"Your place or mine?" He will call her Cupcake when she scream. Yes, they are all his Cupcakes. They are all the same. Always the same.


	2. Cupcakes, Geez

**Cupcakes, Geez**

Now he's having the time of his life.

Yes, he has moved on. Yes, he has let go. Yes, he has found someone else. Yes, she's everything a man can ask for. Yes, they are a match made in Heaven. Yes, life is good and beautiful. Yes, he wants the whole damn world to witness his success. Yes, he wants everyone he knows to cheer and applause and be amazed at his happiness. Happiness. He sits down at the table, pondering the meaning of the little sneaky tricky word, and smiles at Emily.

Her smile is quiet and sweet. Her light brown hair is shining and smooth. Her greyish brown eyes are tender and warm. She's not stunningly beautiful, but she looks lovely in this daisy yellow dress. Everything inside her bright airy apartment is tiny and neat. She loves to bake. She loves to cook. She loves books. She loves kids. She giggles at his silly jokes and funny stories. She blushes whenever he looks into her eyes and whispers "Cupcake" in her ear. His dog loves her. His mother loves her. His sister and sister-in-law loves her. Even his crazy Grandma fell for her charm. She's pretty. She's polite. She's from a decent Catholic family. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwich on this crowded sad planet. They are now the center of all the gossips and rumours in the Burg. And he simply loves the envy and surprise in people' eyes when they see him and Emily together.

No. He's not stalling. Of course he knows everybody is waiting for him to pop the question. Twice a month she comes over and cleans up his two-story house. Thrice a week she cooks him dinner, sleeps over, and walks Bob before going to work. As far as everyone else is concerned, she has already become a member of his family, and he loves waking up next to her in the morning. He knows she will be a great mother. He knows she will be a perfect wife. He knows he should jump out of his chair, rush out of the restaurant, and go get her a ring. He knows he should get down on his knee, present her with the ring, and ask her to marry him. But still he has doubts. He can't shut off the voice in the back of his mind. He doesn't know if he can truly trust himself. He doesn't know if she is enough.

He always has this yearning. He always has this dream. He always wants to be who he wants to be. He always wants to be what he can not be. And sometimes, when he wakes up all alone in the deepest of the night, he feels...afraid. Trapped. Caged. Suffocated. And then he will feels this strange, compelling urge deep down within. He will hear this music in his ears. He will want to be free. He will want to roll off his bed, and start running. He will want to run to a place where no one knows him. He will want to change his name, dye his hair, and shave his chest. He will want to leave everyone and everything behind. He will want to start all over again. He will sell his car and buy a bike. He will sell his house and buy a bar. He will go to bed when the sun is up. He will dance his own dance and sing his own song. He will let go and move on and sell everything he has when he grows tired. He will go find someone and somewhere else. He will be happy. He will be free.

He takes another sip of his beer, trying his best to concentrate on what Emily is saying, and feels guilty. He's no longer young. He will turn 40 next week. Most of his friends and cousins are married or remarried with kids. Are they happy? Are they contented? Are they fulfilled? Are they living their dreams? He doesn't know. He doesn't want to know. He's afraid that the truth will make him weep. He's afraid that—

"Joe? Joe? Are you listening to me?"

Emily's voice brings him back to reality. He apologizes quickly. He doesn't want to upset Emily. They have been dating for a while now. Maybe it's time to settle down. Maybe he's having something like premarital anxiety. Maybe he's been working too hard these past months. Maybe things will be fine if he stops thinking so much. Maybe he can excuse himself for 10 minutes to get Emily a ring. _Get a grip, Morelli, and get it over with. _He looks into Emily's eyes and berates himself. She's a good woman. She's completely different from Stephanie. Together they can build a beautiful happy big family. Children. Puppies. Laughter. Joy. Grandma Bella and Bob bathing in the sun under the huge apple tree. Everyone will be happy. So will he. His smile falters a little as he notices something in Emily eyes. Tears. She has tears in her eyes. She's about to cry. Realization hits him and his heart skips a beat. What happened? What is wrong? He has never ever seen her like this. "Emily? Cupcake? Are you OK?"

"Joe, I'm sorry." Emily Hasting says in a shaky broken voice, as if feeling ashamed of herself. She raises her hand and shows him a ring. It's plain and simple. It's nothing fancy or too expensive. And oddly, it fits her perfectly. "I met someone else."

He sits there gaping at Emily. He can not speak. He can not think. He doesn't move when she pays the bill and wipes away her tears. He still can't utter a sound when she stands up and quietly leaves. He stays where he is for a long long while with Emily's last "I'm sorry" ringing in his ears. People come. People go. The world keeps moving on around him. Finally, with a slightly trembling hand, he grasps hold of his glass and finishes the already warm beer. He frowns as the dull bitterness explodes in his still dry mouth. All of a sudden he thinks of Stephanie. He closes his eyes. He clenches his teeth. He wants to bang his head on the table and yell "Why me?"

She didn't say "I'm sorry". She just left. She's now a mother of two little kids. That crazy bitch.


	3. To Cupcakes With Love

**To Cupcakes With Love**

Once upon a time he was a beautiful, dashing boy. Then one day he met young Stephanie Plum and started having wicked ideas. They grew up. They had fun together. She dumped him for Ranger. He met someone else. She dumped him for another man. The end. He sometimes thinks he's cursed. He sometimes thinks he will never find happiness. He will end up alone. He will die alone. Inside his empty lonely home. His brother's and sister's children will come to identify his body and arrange for his funeral. They will sell his house, car, and furniture. They will split the money and go back to their lives. They will forget about Uncle Joe.

He looks at himself in the mirror and suddenly feels depressed. He's still a good-looking man. But no one takes him seriously. The young women in the bars are too stupid. The older women in the bars are all ugly. He would rather die than resort to on-line dating. He has his reputation to think about. He has his pride. He lets out a sigh and finishes shaving. His belly is not that obvious. He's still wearing tight-fitting jeans. He's sure he no longer has garlic breath. He hopes he won't start growing hair in his ears like all his cousins and brother did. Thank God he's not going bald. His hairline is receding a little, but that's all.

He gets dressed and goes downstairs for a simple breakfast. He lost Bob the previous year. He doesn't have the strength for another dog. He's too busy feeling lonely. He thought about transferring a while ago, but his families and friends are all here. He doesn't know if he can live without Pino's. He's too old to restart anew in a faraway town. He's too old to fake smile and make new friends. Here everyone knows him and he feels safe. Safe? He puts down his fork and almost laughs. He's a cop, for Christ's sake. He's the one who catches bad guys and keeps people safe. He's not supposed to be afraid of darkness, strangers, and unfamiliar places. He's still waiting to laugh at Stephanie in her face when Ranger dumps her for a hotter, sexier, and younger babe. He has been waiting to tell her "I told you!" for a million years. And sometimes, when he sits down at the end of the bench watching Stephanie's twin sons' baseball game, he feels small and timid and worthless and powerless and sad. He hates feeling sad. He hates feeling jealous. He hates the way his heart crumples whenever he sees Ranger and Stephanie together. He hates the smile on Stephanie's still beautiful face. He hates himself for hating Emily and her little girl. But he's just human. He has flaws. He errs. This is the best he can do.

He stands up and puts the dishes in the sink. He grabs his jacket and car key and leaves for work. He stops at the new cupcake place for his daily dose. He loves cupcakes. All those flavors. All those colors. All the sugary, buttery goodness. He breathes in the sweet air, carefully selects a dozen, and smiles like a child. Yes, he knows exactly why he love cupcakes. Sweet. Fluffy. Eazy. Cheap. Affordable. Wonderful, wonderful cupakes. They mend his heart. They smooth his soul. They keep him company on rainy days. They whisper shyly in his ears. They give him power. they give him strength. They let him have his way with them.

They don't betray.


	4. Cupcake? What The Hell?

**Cupcake? What The Hell?**

He finally found the perfect girl.

Young. Energetic. Sweet. Pretty. Cute. Catholic. She comes from a cop family. She knows how to cook, to bake, and clean. He met her at the gym. She thinks he looks like a darker George Clooney. She laughs at his stories. She thinks he's fun to be with. She adores the eloquence of his eyes. She loves the way he kisses. She shares his love for cupcakes and pizzas. She understands his job. And he still can't believe his luck.

He has cut down on doughnuts. He has lost some weight. He has lost a little hair(No worries. His furry chest is intact). For the first time in a long, long time, he believes happiness is near. He has finally found his perfect match. Once again he has the courage to dream. Once again he has smile on his face. Every day is bright. Every night is joyful. Soon he will forget what loneliness is. Together they will make half a dozen beautiful little Cupcakes. And tonight, they dine in Pino's. He can't wait to show her off to the whole damn world.

He wraps an arm around her bare shoulder. She giggles as he leans in to kiss her softly on the lips. People around them smile and stare and whisper. To Hell with gossips and rumours. To Hell with age differences. They are a pair of lovebirds. they are here to enjoy life, to enjoy each other, to enjoy a great meal. He knows she's ready to settle down to start her own family. She knows he's thinking about proposing. They don't want flashy pricey rings. They are both practical. They want to focus on things way more important. Like friendship, values, and love. Yes, he knows they will be happy together.

Someone walks in the door. The noisy pizzeria falls silent. He's too absorbed in his little world to take notice. They'll share a large extra cheesy pizza, he decides, and maybe they can share a plate of spaghetti, too, just like Lady and the Tramp. His heart leaps up. His smile deepens. She makes him feel young. She washes away his gloominess. She gives him light. She brings him hope. She's the new meaning of his existence. Ah, the power of love. He'll order a large Pizza Margherita, her favorite, with extra buffalo Mozzarella, a large plate of spicy meatball spaghetti, and ice cream...chocolate mint chip? Strawberry? Or butter pecan?

"Cupcake, do you want—" He stops abruptly as he looks up and sees the faraway, dreamy look on her face. He follows her unblinking eyes. His heart sinks into a cold dark abyss. She, as well as all the other women inside Pino's, is staring at a man clad in black. A tall dark muscular man. An all too familiar man. A Mocha Latte man who's holding a little boy in his perfect arms. Oh yeah, he heard Stephanie still loves pizza and sub. Oh yeah, he heard Stephanie's third and youngest son was an unexpected surprise. Oh yeah, he knows Ranger is now in his mid forties. But somehow that crazy bastard is just like Johnny Depp: They don't look old. They don't get fat. They are always cool, calm, collected, and composed. They don't give a damn to the outside world. Women of all ages and races around the globe think they are cute. And now Erin, his Erin, his sunshine, his ray of life, his Cupcake, his future wife, is looking at Ranger with shining, adoring eyes like a sixteen years old.

He bursts into tears and lets out a wail. Everybody turns to gape at him and Ranger doesn't even bother to raise a brow. He starts to tremble as Ranger pays for the pizzas and walks out of the door. Erin fakes a cough and tries not to meet his eyes. He tries to smile. He almost cry. Life is so unfair, so fucking unfair. And that night, when he rolls off Erin and lies by her side in his brand new king size bed, he knows she's still thinking of Ranger, the mysterious Mocha Latte man.

He knows. He just knows.


End file.
